Women are a lot easier to approach than you might realize. If you look at it from their perspective, it’s seen as very forward for them to “break the ice” with men, so they will usually appreciate any effort you make in order to get a conversation going.
Of course, we are speaking in general terms here and some women won’t want you to strike up a conversation with them. If you can’t get eye contact with her at all and you know that she’s had the chance to do so, she’s probably either not interested, has a boyfriend/husband, or is off-line. Off-line could mean that she just doesn’t want to be bothered right now, or that she’s between relationships and is taking a break. Regardless, the first step in breaking the ice is getting some kind of a signal from her that she’s interested. It could be a smile, or a look that tells you that she’s interested.
So, what are the best things you can do to break that ice?
Smile and Introduce Yourself
There is nothing wrong with being assertive once you know that she might be interested. For example, if you’re at a party of a mutual friend and you haven’t been introduced, but you want to meet her, simply approach her and say something like, “Hi, I’m Dave. I know John from college. I was just wondering how you know him.” Usually, she’ll be happy to explain the connection. Then, all you have to do is to carry on the conversation based upon her answer. She might say something like “Nice to meet you Dave! I’m Cindy. John is my cousin. It’s just that I’m in town now and he invited me, so, here I am!”
You can then ask her more questions about where she lives, or carry on the conversation about the party, or how often she gets to visit, or what kind of things she likes to do, etc. It takes practice to not seem like an interrogator. Don’t get too personal too quickly. It’s safer to talk about anything that you two are experiencing in the moment at the party than to get into the details of her life.
When you introduce yourself, it’s always best to explain your connection to the host or explain why you are there. This way, you open up the conversation to go in different directions.
What else can you do to break the ice?
Be Nice to Her Friends
Women especially are very loyal to their friends. If you are an outsider and you complain about one of her friends, she’ll probably leave you standing there wondering what you did wrong.
The best approach is to be respectful, kind and nice to her friends – engage in a conversation with them in order to show her that you have the social skills to interact with them. But don’t do it with the selfish motivation of getting to her. Do it because you really do care about people in general.
This is another area that you can’t and shouldn’t fake. It’s hard to understand if all you really want is that one girl of your dreams to make you happy, but the truth is, life isn’t about just meeting that one girl, marrying her and then living happily ever after. Life is about having good, strong relationships with lots of people, and exploring the endless possibilities that life has to offer. Be genuinely curious about other people, and the girl who you really want will know that you are the real deal – that you really, truly are a good guy who she should get to know better.
If you can win over her friends, you increase your chances of winning her over. But do it because you enjoy meeting other people – not to win her over.
Ask Open Ended Questions
There are basically three types of questions: 1) a yes or no question, 2) a one answer question or 3) an open-ended question. When you ask too many yes or no questions or one word answer questions, you start to sound like an interrogator. Imagine if you asked questions like, “Do you like chocolate?” Or “Do you like Italian food?” Or “Where do you live?” Although those are perfectly fine questions to ask at some point, but use them sparingly. Those kinds of questions require a short one answer and can make a conversation feel very one-sided where you’re doing all the questioning and she feels like you’ve got a spotlight on her in an interrogation room…
Instead, ask open-ended questions that are less intimidating to her and will allow her to open up and talk as much as she wants to. If you hit on something important to her, she may want to talk your ears off, which is not a bad thing! Just make sure that you listen to every word she says and ask her for clarification when you need to. The goal here is to get her to talk as much as possible while you remain a bit mysterious. Be honest, but don’t tell her everything about yourself at this point. Otherwise, you won’t have much to talk about on your first dates.
An example of an open-ended question would be something like, “If you could be anywhere in the world right doing anything you wanted, where would it be and what would you be doing?” Or try a less difficult but thought-provoking question like, “What do you think about _______?”
Again, get creative and find something to comment about regarding the immediate situation or experience that you are having with here right then and there. That’s the safest way to go. Otherwise, you might come off too serious and interrogative. If you’re at a club, you could ask her “What do you think about this club?” It could be a short answer if she’s not very interested. She might quickly answer back, “It’s fine. What do you think about this club?” Be careful and always read her body language. She might be giving you a hint that she’s not interested, or she might not be in the mood to talk. Or she might be interested but on the shy side.
Open-ended questions cannot be answered with a yes, no or one word. They invite a conversation to start. Think of your own and you’ll be all set.
Listen More than Talk
They say that there’s a reason why you have two ears but only one mouth – we are meant to listen more than talk… Keep that in mind when you attempt to break the ice with a woman.
One of the main things that a woman desires is to be heard – to be understood. We all want it really, but women especially want to find a guy who is a good listener. Being a good listener isn’t about just listening to the words she says. It’s listening to the feeling that she emits when she says it.
Most men are not very intuitive when it comes to listening to women. Usually, the guy is accurate as to what she says, but oblivious as to what she means. There is a big difference. If you want to break the ice with any girl, you have to learn to read her body language first. Are her arms crossed? Or does she seem friendly and open to you approaching her? Does she give you good eye contact and smile when you approach her?
Once you figure that out, it’s just a matter of approaching her and then getting her to start talking about something that she likes to talk about.
Again, never give too much information right at first. Be a little mysterious. Be honest, but don’t be too open. Don’t tell her everything at first or else you can ruin the experience for her of getting to know you.
Ask for Her Opinion
Another way to break the ice is to ask her for her opinion. The great thing about this is you can do it anywhere, such as a grocery or clothing store. This works well if you truly would like to get her opinion. For example, if you were at a grocery store and you don’t know anything about how to pick out a ripe pineapple, but both of you just so happen to be picking over the pineapples, ask her for her opinion as to which one is best. Just make sure she gets that pineapple! She may give you a whole dissertation on how to pick out the best one by looking at the color of it, smelling the bottom of it, or pulling on one of the leaves to tell if it’s ripe. The more she talks about it, the better the chance is that she’s interested.
Or, let’s say that you’re at a clothing store and you’re trying to figure out what is the best shirt to go with your blue jeans and you see a girl who you’re interested in. You could say something like, “I’m sorry to bother you but could I get your opinion on something?” 9 times out of 10, she’ll answer yes. Then just ask her which shirt she thinks goes best with the blue jeans that you’re wearing. By asking if you can get her opinion, you’re giving her the option to participate or not. You’re respecting her time and giving her the option to not engage with you. She may say something like, “Oh sure! No problem. Ummm, I like the blue one. It really does bring out the blue in your eyes…” If she says something like that, or anything about how it compliments your skin or looks, she’s probably interested. But if she is short with you and/or focuses only on the comparison of the two shirts, she’s probably not interested.
Practice doing it! You’ll get better and better at it over time, and it will come more and more natural to you. It’s just that once you figure out how to pick out a pineapple, you probably shouldn’t use that one again! Be authentic. Don’t manipulate.
Social Dancing makes breaking the ice a lot easier
Instead of thinking about what to ask and how to get a conversation going, social dancing offers a simpler option.
You break the ice by inviting a girl to dance with you. If she’s interested, she will come. Then, instead of talking, you move together to the music. After dancing together, it’s so much easier to have a nice conversation. You already have one shared experience!
In social dancing, you get to practice everything that we talked about here. You’ll start by smiling and introducing yourself. Since it’s a social activity and we switch couples every few minutes, your dream girl will see how you’re interacting with other women on the dance floor. This lets you show that you’re a confident and nice person, without having to brag about yourself.
In the dance, just like in life, men lead and listen to what the woman is saying. We listen to her body, not only her words. We practice all this in every class in Embrazo and it’s a lot of fun!
Take the stress out of meeting women and join our dance classes. You’ll be very glad you did 🙂